My Demand List

I want a lot of things: world peace, universal healthcare, a job, good credit, ripped abs…but hey, we’re living in a material world and I’m a (sometimes) material girl.  So I thought I’d share some of my current yearnings.

 

1.  Religious Footwear

Lately I’ve been craving sandals.  I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for but the best way I can describe my dream shoes as resembling sandals Jesus would wear.  These Gap finds aren’t perfect, but at $14.99, they’ll hold me over until I find a holier pair.

2. A Pearl of Great Price

OMG I so want a cute, blue BlackBerry Pearl.  Unlike some people I know, I have no NEED for one but by golly would this little baby make my life more colourful.  It’s small enough to not look too ostentatious, but powerful enough to enable my texting-addiction and internet-junkieism.  

3. A Whip

I’m not really a car person.  I’m a walk/bike/public transport kind of gal.  But some wheels would be nice, making trips to the beach feasible and allowing me to occasionally grocery shop.  And at 46 mpg, the hot  little piece of ass known as the Prius is the ultimate eco-friendly status-symbol.  

4.  Pizza, Please-a?

I used to eat pizza maybe once a year.  I don’t know what’s happened to me, but now if I go a day without eating some greasy, gooey, cheesy pizza, I go through withdrawal.  In addition to unlimited access to Uno’s Spinnacoli Pizza, I’d like someone to come up with a new recipe for this gem of a pizza that cuts out some of the 1800 calories of the individual-sized one.

 

The Joys of Urban Living

I live in Allston and, most of the time, I like it.  As an Allston-ian, there are certain things you have to deal with, like waking up to piles of vomit on your doorstep on Sunday mornings and fireworks being set off until the wee morning hours after the Cetlics win the NBA finals.  Despite this, I’m kinda a fan of my apartment.  I’ve come to appreciate the mouse (mice?) who I share my apartment with and look at my room’s lack of wintertime heat as a charming eccentricity.  It’s more than just being the first place I’ve lived for more than four months since going to college.  It’s cozy and convenient to all the hip spots like Our House and Spike’s. 

Ok, but let’s be serious here.  There’s been somethings lately that have suck beyond the realm of normal Allston quirks.  And I aint talking bout the mouse who ran over my foot at 1:30 am.  

1.  Early Morning Construction

 

Everyday I wake in the presence of 5-25 burly men.  7 AM on the dot, they’re digging, blasting, and pounding away at…whatever.  Best case scenario, I realise it’s pointless to try to hit the snooze button and get out of bed when I was planning on it.  Worst case scenario, my plans to sleep in on my day off are ruined.

2. Water Woes

Imagine, if you will, having no hot water for a weekend, making showering painful and sponge baths necessary.  Annoying, right?  Now imagine having NO WATER between the hours of 3 and 11 pm on a saturday.  A hot saturday when you’ve just gone out for a run and desperately want a drink of cool water or to shower before climbing into your freshly-washed sheets.  A saturday when guests have been invited over and the planned menu required water be boiled for the pasta.  A saturday in which you discovered no water means no flushing the toilet (not that you would have peed anyway, you couldn’t wash your hands).  Yes, heavenly.

3.  Crazy Neighbors

Yes, that’s cat litter on my stairs and no, I don’t know why there’s care litter on my stairs.  I do know I prefer my neighbors getting kitty litter all over the place to their other exploits (breaking the same window twice in 2 days or practicing the drums [poorly] at all hours of the day and night).

All this results in

an unwashed, unhappy urban-dweller.

What is the World Coming to?

I was just at McDonald’s.  No, I wasn’t eating there.  I wanted a fountain Coke, ok?  But that’s not the point.

THEY WERE OUT OF HAMBURGERS.  

McDonald’s.  150 Zillion Served.  No Hamburgers.  What?

Lessons Learned from the ER

-One never ends up in the ER when they have freshly-shaven legs, smell nice, or look good.  Every doctor, nurse, and tech in the place, however, did see my nicely-matching green-with-blue-polka-dots bra and underwear.  But then again, as a retired bra specialist, I ALWAYS have nice undergarments on.

-Going to the ER alone, when every one of your friends is legitimately out of the area and your one family member close by is sick, can be scary.  It can also be empowering.  Hell yes, I survived the BIDMC ER BY MYSELF.  I’m tough.  Don’t mess with me.

-No one in the ER is in good shape, but it always helps to see people in worse shape than you.  Also, many are crazier than you and you win points with the staff for being polite.  The award for craziest probably goes to the man who walked in, looking totally fine, immediately began complaining about wait times, then called other ERs to find out if they could see him sooner.  This genius decided to drive cross-town to Mass General in hopes of cutting down his time in the ER.  Little did he know Beth Israel was actually pretty speedy last night.  What a tool.

-IVs suck.  The getting the IV part is fine, but having a plastic thing in your arm really does hurt.  You’re also tethered to one spot and can’t easily move to pick up your phone, glasses, and book that you knocked on the floor, thus eliminating all means of entertainment and communication with the outside world. 

-When the health professionals tell you the drugs may knock you out, they ain’t kidding.  I don’t normally fall into a deep, 13 hour sleep and have dreams about my great-aunt eating a whole pig.

-It’s amazing your reaction upon waking from above-mentioned medically-induced sleep.  I woke up with my hospital bracelet on, bandages aplenty, and nicely decorated with my EKG stickers, not knowing where I was but utterly convinced I had to go to work.  

-Spending a friday night alone in the ER is not exactly fun but it’s worth it when you end up with the knowledge that you are not, in fact, dying.